Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Notes on Runyon Canyon

-You can truly wear whatever the fuck you want. Last week, I saw someone wearing sweatpants with the words “I’m beautiful” spread across their crotch and a band-aid on their face adorned with a cockroach.

-You will overhear the most incredible conversations. Someone will no doubt be trying to figure out how to grow their Instagram following — but listen closely for conversations about Snapchat, too.  

-For fun, you can try imagining the same path in Seattle, with hikers trudging through sprinkles while listening to esoteric, existentially-alienated novels Audible.

-The path loops around on the right and curves so you can see all the progress you’ve made, which is very helpful for motivational purposes. This is definitely the Tony Robbins of hiking trails.

-The view of Los Angeles, often shrouded in a mist of marine layer and smog, mainly looks out over Hollywood, and will make you feel powerful, which is helpful if casting agents have been making you feel small.  

-The path doubles as a catwalk for dogs. 

-You will wonder how many #runyon #canyon #la #fitness #view #smog #wemadeit hashtags are being created every nanosecond.

-Sometimes, you will see people who look as if they’ve stepped off a magazine cover. Resist the urge to hold your gut and whimper. Remember: these people would be aliens in any other zip code.   

-The path is jagged, with sheer drops on some sides. If you are a disaster-phobe, it’s a fun place to imagine dying in an earthquake. Or maybe that’s just me.

-People are very obsessed with Runyon in both negative and positive ways. East-siders will brag about having never been, make you feel a cliche for liking it. West-siders, generally, will not. But it’s crowded and well-known enough that hiking it is not a notable thing. 

-Runyon is two-faced. It’s got a good side and a tough side. The tough side, which curls around the right, will push you to your limits. Try doing that for a few visits and then reward yourself with jaunts up the more enjoyable left side.

-Marvel at the diversity of your city. Chat with an Orthodox Jewish dude and then make awkward eye contact with the host of the “gay bachelor.”

-LA is one of those cities you sometimes feel like you’re just floating through, and the feeling is even more enjoyable when you’re standing at the top of a hill, looking down at the smog, like some kind of superhero. It’ll make you feel like a wispy, sinewy cloud tail.

-It’s also a great place to listen to Terry Gross talks to someone about racism.