6 Totally Un-Marxist Thoughts on May Day

Let's marvel at these merry Marxists.

May Day is a very important day -- for drinking.

Maypril fools! May 1st is actually a historic public holiday that means a lot to many people.

In the Rhineland region of Germany, May 1st is a time of Paegan revelry. A small pine tree atop a Maypole is traditionally set up in a town's public square or village green to symbolize Spring. If you want to show someone you dislike them, you can also bring them a tree covered in white streamers. Because nothing says "I hate you" like a costly gift.   

Berlin's May 1st ritual is a bit more complicated than that of Paegan lore. This has traditionally been a day when lefty types throw Becks bottles at cops dressed in riot gear. The protestors' reasons are diverse: some are protesting the German "police state," while others are protesting war and capitalism. According to a man named Bill who leads a May Day tour around Kreuzberg: "It's all about the fact that capitalism is bullshit, and we're against the system." Yeah man, fuck that! (Seriously though, how much should I tip you?)

Naturally, I feel a lot of pressure on May 1st to join in solidarity with the cause. But it's hard. What follows are the incredibly un-Marxist thoughts I had whilst wandering around Kotti with a Club Mate: 

1. I wonder where that dude driving a recumbent bike died his mohawk green and if the drapes match the pubes. Is that how the expression goes? I'm disgusting. 

2. These policemen are hot. Is there some kind of May Day bondage event today? Is it expensive? The gay lifestyle is completely unaffordable. We should be protesting this.  

3. Honestly, I'm thankful there's some extra security here after what happened in Boston. These people are drunk and one of them just walked up to a police officer and adjusted his hat. That's a lot of Chutzpah.  

4. The McDonald's on Skalitzer is totally packed right now. You traitors should be ashamed of yourselves.

5. If I suddenly have a panic attack, it's going to take ages for the ambulance to get through this dense crowd. 

6. Let's be real folks: you're just excited you can litter and pee on the street today. That's what this is really about.