There's a Spider on My Thermostat

I'm not quite sure what to do now. I put a cup over the spider thinking, oh, well, he'll probably just crawl into this cup and then I can just shake him into the trash. I mean, honestly, I also had a vision of the spider crawling out of the cup as I'm bringing it to the trash, and me dropping the cup, and it shattering into a bunch of pieces and then me screaming because I often scream when I inadvertently drop things. I wondered how the scream would sound...if it would be a restrained "Ah!" or a longer "eaahhaahhh!"

But the spider refused to crawl into the cup and, instead, clung to the wall.

Then I thought- paper. I'll hold out a piece of paper, the spider can crawl onto the paper and then I'll throw both paper and spider into the trash. Problem is, as soon as the spider was on the paper, it started crawling toward my hand.

It would have made it to my fingers, but I dropped the paper before it could get that far. The spider was flung off the paper, and fell with its legs squirming around on to my pillow. It fell like those stuntmen fall off buildings into bluescreens: its tiny arms over-dramatically cycling backwards.

Ugh.

Then it crawled into the space between my bed and the wall, where it is (happily?) setting up camp.

Great. Now it's right next to the place where I put my head and close my eyes.

I have a few options now. I can either push the whole mattress towards the wall, and hope it squishes the spider in darkness, far from my tender eyes. I could also move the mattress backwards and stare at the spider and squish it with a hankerchief but I don't like the idea of feeling its legs and body collapse and I'm afraid of ooze. Do you think there will be ooze?

I could also just leave it there and hope it doesn't crawl into my mouth or ears while I'm sleeping. It might be really angry at me and want revenge. I did drop it from a high place.