I had to go to the pharmacy counter, of course, to pay for them and fill out a form because, you know, I could easily grind one of these and mix it with Robitussin and lighter fluid and sell 'em in dark alleys in Portland or something. But I wouldn't do that, even though I'd love to be in an episode of Frontline. No seriously.
Anyway so I take one of the pills on the walk home, with a chug of bottled water and I'm just walkin' along the Ave down to my house and I start to get the jitters. My hands shake, I get some restless leg action going on, and I look like I'm totally spazzing out. No one looks at me, though, because hello? it's the Ave. I could be pulling my hair out and screaming "babies!" and no one would look at me.
My heart is racing. I open the door to my house and start pacing around the room.
"My movies are late! I need to rent new movies! I want chocolate! I want Lindt Chocolate! I want to write a screenplay! I want to write a business email to Tina Fey!" I think to myself. I grab my car keys and drive to Blockbuster, where I return my movies, buy chocolate and rent the third disc of the first season of this show...
"Hey, I like that series," says the man at the desk.
"Hey me too mister! Tina Fey holds it all together like glue! She's such a great straight character! Sometimes I feel like she's actually me!"
I drive home and sit in the front of my house with my chocolate and watch 30 rock.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" I laugh. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA"
Then I realize I don't know where my chocolate went. My Lindt Chocolate. I look in my car. I look in my room. I take everything off the dining room table and look under it. I look in the cupboard. I throw everything out of my backpack. I take out the couch cushions and look under them. I look under my comforter.
"I'm looking for my chocolate!"
I never find the chocolate. I watch more 30 rock and sing along loudly to the theme song. "Duh duh ba da pa dee do bop ba doo ba dee bo bo!"
My french roommates (whom I never talk to) come home and I turn on the subtitles and make them watch an episode.
"Isn't it just so great?! Do you want any pasta? Do you know where my chocolate is?"
Tristan, my other roommate comes home and I make him watch 30 rock as well.
"Isn't it just so great?! Do you want any pasta? Do you know where my chocolate is?"
I analyze every character's motivation. I analyze the theme music. I analyze Tina Fey's hair. I analyze Tracy Morgan's big huge face.
Gay subplot with the funny looking always-happy Christian dude and the magician guy from Arrested Development?! Scandal! A 9/11 joke?! On TV? On a show set in NYC? SCANDAL! Cleveland?!? AHAHAHAHA
Around 6:30 I crash and fall asleep.
Is this what its like being on meth?
2 comments:
Sometimes I like to think Im kind of like TinaFey too... She is an inspiration. I generally watch the show on Hulu.com nowadays, but I have the first season on DVD.
You seen Baby Mama yet?
I saw a bit and I actually walked out on it and saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" instead. Tina wanting babies struck me as odd. She's Tina, she doesn't need no babies! I wanted to see her as a strong hilarious woman, not an uptight yuppie baby-wanter.
"Sarah Marshall" was lovely, though.
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