My Last Hair Cut at Rudy's

Me: "So, how's it going?"

Hair cutter at Rudy's: "Doin' good."

Me: "Cool. Are you from around here?"

Hair cutter at Rudy's: "Nope."

Me: "Oh. Where from?"

Hair cutter at Rudy's: "Oregon. You?"

Me: "I was born in Seattle. Yup. Went to high school here. Went away for college. To the east coast. Didn't like it. Now I'm back. Just takin' classes. Hanging around. What are you doing?"

Hair cutter at Rudy's: "Well. I cut hair."

Me: "That's cool. I really like what you're doing on the top there."

Hair cutter at Rudy's: Silence

Me: "Yeah, I never know what to do with it. Sometimes it grows out too long and it looks like a penis. Or at least that's what someone told me in middle school. Embarrassing."

Hair cutter at Rudy's: Silence. Tumbleweeds.

Me: "And my sideburns curl out if I don't cut 'em. Just like a hassid. That's yiddish for a really orthodox person. You know, the ones with the curly sideburns. It's a stereotype, but it's true. With me at least. Kind of."

Hair cutter at Rudy's: A short grunt.

Me: "Yeah. I also used to have really bad dandruff (laugh). Oh man! Becky, this bitch on the bus when I went to Jew school in Bellevue, she used to be like, 'Make it snow! Make it snow!' So mean! Right?"

Hair cutter at Rudy's: "Mmhmm."

Me: "But all that's cleared up. I think. I hope. I don't really check, you know. I mean I guess if it was caked all up in my hair I'd notice and be like ew, but that usually doesn't happen....This is FUN."

Hair cutter at Rudy's: "Tip your head please."

Me: "How do you like working here? What's your favorite song? Is it playing right now? It's really loud. I can't hear myself think. I can't even see myself with all these pictures on the wall. Is that a penis? Can you really put that up there? That's amazing. Your shoes are dirty. You don't really care about me. Let's be honest. You're really not listening to me right now. I have four nipples. Martha Stewart is my mother. I made myself pregnant."